I lost everything good in my life when I lost my husband. I was hurting... all the time. The pain was so unbearable that I didn't want to live. Drinking somehow numbed the pain. I kept phasing through my days until being an addict became my second nature. Being attached to alcohol somehow made me feel that I was still attached to him. I kept feeling this numbing and disorienting sense that he hasn't really died. That it was just a bad dream and I'll wake up soon.
Eventually I hit rock bottom when I started losing my memory. The doctor told me that I was at a high risk of dementia. I couldn't risk losing my beautiful memories. My memories with my husband were the only thing that kept me alive. And so I decided to join a support group. They understood my pain and after so long, I felt real connection.
The road to recovery has been anything but easy. Every time I go down the memory lane, I feel like getting drunk. But I occupy myself with meditation and yoga. Some breathing exercises work wonders in calming my restless soul.
I have come to terms with the fact that my addiction will always be a part of me. I have faith in myself that I will stay sober. For me and for my ever beloved husband's memory.
