I was tormented when I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. I couldn't handle the excruciating pain of deceit I felt in my chest. And so to numb the pain, I let my addiction devour me. I became such a shameless addict. It was as if I was trying to punish her by slow poisoning myself with alcohol. Every time I'd feel insulted or demeaned or just weak, I would go to my "nook" and get drunk as hell.
My health started deteriorating. My family was worried sick about me. And so I was forced to start my 12-step journey. My first day was the hardest. Opening up to people about my girlfriend and how I felt when she deceived me made me feel like I was insulting myself. But when I did finally open up, it was as if a huge weight was lifted off my chest. Everyone understood me and showed empathy.
I now get honest about my desires to use. I open up in meetings and on the phone. I've let go of the fear of judgment. The second I realize I haven't "arrived" is when my recovery is the strongest. It is time to bid my past mistakes farewell. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust... rebirth is on its way.
