How could I let it happen to me? To my kids? My sugar addiction turned me into a monster.
I hated myself but I hated my husband even more. We were supposed to start a life together but he chose alcohol over me. Just like my parents did. So I let myself burn in the same hell, binging on junk foods, even when I knew that I was going to put my kids through the same agony that my addictive parents put me through.
It wasn't like I was dead inside. I felt guilt, shame, disappointment, despair. All at once. There were times when the pain was so unbearable that I couldn't even speak. All I could do was weep. But then I would start stuffing my mouth with everything sweet in the kitchen. It was an endless cycle of sugar rushes and emotional crashes. I never thought I would escape.
A friend finally convinced me to give the 12-step program a try. It's been 10 years now that I'm recovering. Yes, there are days when my anxiety revisits me and makes me want to spiral back to my binge-streak. But I take a deep breath, say a prayer, and distract myself with a healthy activity.