Losing my job broke me into pieces. I started using to suppress the pain. Screaming, throwing things at the wall, cursing at my family – this all became the norm. I would use drugs, feel guilty and then use drugs again to numb the guilt. Each night I would promise myself that I would quit. Each morning the monster visited me again. Before I knew it, I’d find myself calling my dealer. I was powerless.
But then someone I loved and cherished was taken away too soon. I realized that, yes, it’s hell — but I too am about to lose everything if I don’t stop my addiction. FINALLY I took the first step. I shared my demons with my physician, my support group and my accountability partner.
Staying clean isn’t easy. It’s the hardest thing I have had to do, but I keep myself busy in a healthy routine that I have set for myself — early morning run and yoga, healthy eating habits and lots of quality family time.
I’m still not there yet. I’m scared, I’m nervous. I’m out of my element. But at least now I feel like I have the tools I need to live an addiction free life. And I’m never giving up on it.